How to Gain Perspective to our Real Beauty and Strength with Gabby Reece [Episode #737]

This week’s topic is: How to Gain Perspective to our Real Beauty and Strength with Gabby Reece

I am so excited to have my very special guest, Gabby Reece, who is a New York Times bestselling author, volleyball legend, an inspirational health and fitness leader, podcast host, corporate speaker, wife, and mother. Listen in as Gabby shares how to stay connected to your True Self, grounding tools for when self-doubt creeps in, what business looks like when working with your partner, and so much more!

[BULLETS]

• Speaking your needs and empowering your voice…
• Gabby shares how she stays connected to her True Self…
• Grounding tools when doubt surfaces…
• What business looks like when working with your partner…
• Finding your WHY when it comes to social media and business…
• Intimacy and keeping passion alive…
• The line between mothering and nurturing…
• Thoughts on fitness and training…

[FEATURED GUESTS]

About Gabby Reece 

Gabrielle Reece is not only a volleyball legend, but an inspirational health and fitness leader, podcast host, corporate speaker, New York Times bestselling author, and entrepreneur, co-founding XPT Extreme Performance Training and Laird Superfood. The former professional beach volleyball player and Nike’s first female spokeswoman is the definition of both athleticism and beauty. Gabby is a force to be reckoned with in the gym and on a microphone.

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Want to know what to expect from other episodes of the “Feel Good Podcast with Kimberly Snyder”? My passion is to inspire and empower you to be your most authentic and beautiful self. We offer interviews with top experts, my personal philosophies and experiences, as well as answers to community-based questions around topics such as health, beauty, nutrition, yoga, spirituality and personal growth.

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[❤️ FAN OF THE WEEK]

Gabby Reece’s Interview

• Gabby’s Website

Other Podcasts you may enjoy!:

• What Is True Beauty in a World of Comparison? with Megan O’Neill
• True Beauty and Getting Past Comparison with Tammin Sursok and Roxy Manning
• Health and Beauty Benefits Using Common Spices with Kanchan Koya
• 5 Core Ways to Strengthen Your Intuition for Daily Life

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Transcript:

Note: The following is the output of transcribing from an audio recording. Although the transcription is largely accurate, in some cases it is incomplete or inaccurate. This is due to inaudible passages or transcription errors. It is posted as an aid, but should not be treated as an authoritative record.

Kimberly:00:00 Namaste loves and welcome back to our Monday interview podcast. I have a real powerhouse on the podcast today to share with you, and I am so thrilled to share her beautiful light, her strength, and her energy, another than the one and only Gabrielle Reese, who is a New York Times bestselling author, volleyball legend, inspirational health and fitness leader, podcast host, corporate speaker, wife and mother. She has accomplished so many incredible things. She was Nike’s first female spokeswoman. She is the wife to Laird Hamilton, who I had on the show. We, we interviewed him a couple years ago, I think, and he was an incredible force as well and spoke so highly and with such reverence of his incredible, powerful wife. And when I first met Gabby, I thought to myself, oh wow, I gotta talk to this lady more. She is a real force to be reckoned with. So today on the show, we talk about entrepreneurship, we talk about the real divine feminine strength, we talk about the messiness of life and motherhood and many other things, and I cannot wait to share our conversation with you today.

Fan of the Week

Kimberly:01:06 Before we get into it though, quick shout out to our fan of the week, and her name is Linda, m r g. She writes, brilliant. Kimberly is so well versed, peaceful, and positive. I not only feel like I learned something, but I just have an overall positive feeling. Well, Linda, m r g, thank you so much for being in our community. If you could see me right now, I have both of my hands on my heart and I really took that in. And so I thank you so much my love. Huge, huge hug, huge love to you wherever you happen to be in our world.

Please leave a review on iTunes and Subscribe

Kimberly:02:00 Much, much gratitude and appreciation and for you, my love, listening to this for your chance to also be shouted out as the fan of the week and also just to support our show in such a lovely, amazing way. Please leave us a review on Apple or Spotify, wherever you listen to our podcast. And I thank you so much in advance. It really means so much and it helps other beautiful souls like, like yourself, find the show. Please also share the show with anyone that you think would benefit. This is the energy of expansion. It could be a screenshot, a link. Any way that we can support each other is so wonderful and important. And also to support yourself, please be sure to subscribe to the show. That way you just stay in the flow. And little reminder that our new book, baby is out called You Are More Than You Think You Are, which you can pick up wherever books are sold. It’s a practical guide for reshaping your Whole life, including your vitality and your abundance from the inside out. All right, all that being said, let’s get into our interview with a wonderful Gabby Reese.

Interview with Gabby Reece

Kimberly: 00:00:01 So funny. I’m sitting here drinking this coffee and I haven’t drank coffee my whole life. When <laugh>, when we met mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you gifted me some of this amazing coffee and I had to say, I drink it every day so I can honestly say, you’ve changed my life, Gabby.

Gabby: 00:00:17 Hopefully it’s an improvement. I too, uh, didn’t start drinking coffee until I was 45, until we started the business, cuz I couldn’t be involved with it and not use the product daily. And it was also a way for me to enjoy coffee. I liked caffeine, I liked the boost.

Kimberly: 00:00:33 Yeah.

Gabby: 00:00:33 But, um, I hadn’t found a delivery system so indirectly we can all blame, blame lad for that.

Kimberly: 00:00:41 What’s it like working with your hubby? It’s so funny because, um, I think about working with my hubby and I feel like it would be a disaster because we have the same skill sets. We’re both creative, but we’re both not organized detail people. We have people on our teams that help with that.

Gabby: 00:01:01 <affirmative>. That sounds good. Lucky I need, I always said I need a wife. You know, I think, um, we’re different. We’re really different. Our values are the same. So kind of fundamentally we’ll agree, you know, sort of creatively or conceptually about things. Um, and also there’s a lot of, I I defer to you. Okay. I defer to you. Um, but yeah, no, it’s interesting cuz you have to change gears, right? How do you go from I’m, I can be a lad’s. Uh, I I can work for lad. I can be lad’s boss, I can be lad’s partner in business. You know, I even joke like when I’m asking him to record something, I will have someone record it. I’ll turn back my back to him. So he doesn’t, he isn’t looking at me and I’ll just listen and I’ll be like, oh, that was really good. Could you, you’re friend, you’re happy, you’re friendlier. Like, so I have to give him direction. Yeah. Um, so, and cuz within our relationship, um, it’s very different. We have a, you know, my husband, like all of us, he does not like to be told what to do. <laugh>. Right. So it’s, it’s a dance. But we’ve had a lot, listen, we’re together almost 27 years. We’ve had a lot of practice and so there’s also a great amount of trust.

Kimberly: 00:02:13 Mm. Yeah. Because you have to, you know, you’re living together, you have this incredible business together. But then there’s this obviously, you know, this partnership, this romantic part of your life that you wanna keep alive. So is it clear boundaries? Okay, we’re gonna turn the business off? Or how do you really

Gabby: 00:02:29 No, I don’t, there that, I think that’s impossible. Especially when you’re entrepreneurs, right? We have, we have Laird Super Food, we have our fitness business X P T, and then we have sort of the business of, you know, the funness of like our own individual per s you know, uh, careers. So it could just be like an interview for Layer and I’m like, you have something at three o’clock. You know? Right. So it’s sort of like trying to keep those things going because that supports the businesses. Um, and other opportunities. Um, no, there’s no clear lines. And I do bring up every single uncomfortable thing that I need to talk to Laird about, whether it’s personal or work. Um, after we’ve, we’ve been intimate.

Kimberly: 00:03:12 Yeah.

Gabby: 00:03:13 It’s the best time. Cause I used to, and my younger self, you’d be there, you know how like you sneak away whatever, you have little kids, I don’t have to sneak away anymore, but, oh, yeah. And it would occur. It would, it was quiet and I’d be looking at LA and I’d think, oh yeah, I have that list of five things I need to talk to LA about. And it’s like, the old younger me would’ve been like, oh, and another thing. And it’s like, no, this, we’re here to, you know, be together. So I’ve also learned how that can wait. Um, yeah. So my timing gets, has gotten certainly even better <laugh>. And I know, like, I can say, Hey, this isn’t working out, or you have a speaking engagement that’s gonna take three flights to get to. I do that after. And he’s like, okay.

Kimberly: 00:03:51 But you know what? I’ve, you know, in your energy, Gabby, what I’ve always loved about this directness, but so loving a lot of women have a hard time being direct and speaking our needs. Is this something that you’ve learned as an adult? Where did you grow up with this empowerment of your voice?

Speaking your needs and empowering your voice

Gabby: 00:04:11 I think it, it’s something I definitely learned how to develop it. It’s this, when I was younger, I always had the internal voice. Mm. And so, um, I always had very strong feelings about things and opinions. So that has always been something that is a part of me. And so what’s an interesting thing is as you get older, you’re trying to do two things at once. You’re trying to be a better communicator, a more clear communicator, a less apologetic communicator. But you’re also not trying to react to every first thought and opinion. Yes. So it’s an interesting combination of how do I become more direct and more out, but also not constantly react to my first internal feeling. Not, I’m not talking about abandoning instinct that’s different. Right. I’m talking about, um, the brain is a meaning maker walking around all day long, making a bullshit. The

Kimberly: 00:05:09 Ego.

Gabby: 00:05:10 Yeah. Right. So I’m like, okay, how do I make more space and really try to only respond to the things that feel more real to me. And, um, and I think sports was helpful. I think, um, I had an incredible coach. Uh, my college coach, the silver nod, she, I had a really hard time when I was playing volleyball because I was on a team and I was getting singled out simultaneously. I was getting different attention. Why? Um, because when in college I started modeling. So I was like, literally when magazines were magazines, you know, I’d be in campus and practice and then I’d be in magazines. And I also carried a lot of weird, um, imposters syndrome and guilt for being, for getting good at volleyball because I wasn’t supposed to, I wasn’t groomed for it. I was a late bloomer. So success was like, it, I just felt like, oh, this is like a total charade.

Gabby: 00:06:05 So I was, and, and I wanted to be a part of the team. I didn’t want to, you don’t wanna be isolated away from your team. You wanna be a part of your team. Sure. So I carried a lot of, it was really stressful for me. I felt guilty and bad and weird. But the thing is, is that doesn’t change that it’s happening. Yeah. So not taking the reins and not being all you can be is also not productive. And so it’s a weird learning curve. People might experience this in business Yeah. In, in different ways. And so what I, my coach pulled me into her office one day, and she’s still a very dear friend of mine. Mm. You know, I, I went to college in 1987, and she’s

Kimberly: 00:06:47 Still lifelong friend.

Gabby: 00:06:48 She’s an important person. And she’s very direct. She has a lot of masculine energy. And, um, she said to me, you know, Gabby, um, all your teammates would, if they had this opportunity, they would take it. And I have to make a decision for this team. 12 people are on the team, six play at once, eight probably play most of the, you know, kind of, there’s two people who they share, right? Yeah. So she’s like half the team or a large portion of the team, someone, they’re unhappy. And she goes, my job is to do what is best for the team, for the outcome, for the goals that we’ve all agreed that we’re trying to accomplish. And, um, then I know at the end of this process, one person will be happy and she’s like me, and I didn’t understand that at 19 or 18.

Gabby:00:07:34 But what you learn is that when you are responsible for a place, a space, a work, or business, or a program, or a goal or what have you, there’s a lot of uncomfortable things that will have to happen. And someone’s gonna be unhappy. And you can’t please everybody. And you have to know that if you’re doing it the best that you can with the best intention, right? Like, you’re not trying to dominate somebody. You’re not trying to, um, get the credit. Whatever the things are, they are funk. Yeah. If you’re not making these real clear communications with funk, but with like genuine intention, with a clear goal in mind, then you have to take it on the chin. Yeah. When someone’s not happy, you have to be like, oh, okay. And you’re gonna have to fire people and you’re gonna have people that don’t like you. And it’s, and, and you would anyway, even if you walked around trying to make everybody happy.

Kimberly: 00:08:27 Well, I mean, I’ve just, you know, it’s, you walk into the room, Gabby, and everybody’s gonna notice you. Right. And growing up, you have this presence, you have this beauty, you’re on the team, the other girls, did they treat you differently?

Gabby: 00:08:42 Yes. Some of them were pretty mean to me. Um, but, and they’re, they’re powerful women too. Don’t kid yourself. These are, you know, these are powerful dynamic human beings. Um, yeah. It just, it’s just the theater of things. And I was, I was vulnerable, you know, I could have told them all. I think if I had a different approach to it, I could have put it to rest sooner. But I didn’t know how. I didn’t have the skills. And like I said, I was already navigating my own kind of weirdness about things happening in my favor.

Kimberly: 00:09:16 Well, you were talking about the voice in your head, these thoughts mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And one of the ways the voice plays with us is identifying, right. So the world’s looking at you like, Gabby’s this great athlete now she’s an amazing volleyball player, and she’s so beautiful. It’s put her on the cover of Vogue. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But underneath all that, there’s Gabby, there’s the real Gabby right underneath the surface, like who you are. So through those years, what, how did you stay connected to Gabby? Or were there times where you really just felt lost and ungrounded and, you know, with the external world?

Gabby shares how she stays connected to her True Self

Gabby: 00:09:47 You know, it’s funny, I’m, I won’t get like, you know, oh, astrology or whatever. I, my birth sign is I’m a Capricorn mm-hmm. <affirmative> and I, if people do certain things in my charts, apparently have a lot of moons in Capricorn. And I grew up in the Caribbean, in the West Indies. And, um, I think I’m by nature, uh, perpetually grounded. And so I moved outta my house at 17 and then I started working in fashion at 18. And so I started getting sort of like this, you know, whatever, a little bit of attention. <laugh>, just

Kimberly: 00:10:21 A little <laugh>.

Gabby: 00:10:21 I, I can tell you, I, I never bit the hook even at 18 love, because I think I looked at it, you know, why would I all of a sudden be great? Because the outside world was telling me when, a year before or two years, it was weird that I was six foot three or, um, you know, I was a go, you know, sort of a, a little bit goofy or trying to, you know, figure out how to play sports. So I never believed the outside either way. Um, so I think that was really, was helpful for me. And also, I’m gonna be pretty brutal here. Um, I grew up with a very, very beautiful mother and, uh, 6 2, 6, 2 and a half. And, um, my mom has a lot of great traits. She’s a really intelligent person. Musical, talented, very beautiful. But she, I don’t think she did a great job at developing relationships.

Gabby:00:11:25 So I got to see that in real time, what that looks like. And, um, so you start to learn that, like, if for some reason you have what the outside world calls a beauty or attractiveness, that’s just a bonus that if you can show up and do your job really well and be qualified and be talented and be kind and have real relationships, then that will be the bonus. Like, okay, that makes it easier, but it doesn’t solve all the problems. Yeah. And so I, I grew up with that, seeing that, and I learned, I knew that very clearly. Um, even to use it as a manipulation, right? Like, I, I just, I saw it and then I went into fashion and I worked with girls that were very famous and very wealthy for being extraordinarily beautiful. They didn’t appear to be happier to me. <laugh>. And I would, and it simultaneously, I was playing on a volleyball team where girls were, you know, not quote perfect. And uh, more, more energy, more life force, more power. Because also you could tell they were feeling good about working hard and they were feeling good that they were pretty good at something. So I had all these lessons happening, uh, really young.

Kimberly: 00:12:37 But it sounded like you were grounded. Like, thank goodness before you went into that space. Cuz you have all these stories. People get into modeling, they’re on the covers of magazines and they just, you know, unfortunately become cokehead or they go wayward.

Gabby: 00:12:48 Yeah. Well, I think it’s easy too if, if, um, you know, you’re looking for something and people tell you you’re special or you’re, or you are, you know, oh, you’re so beautiful. And then they throw you money and you have opportunities. I think, um, if, if you’re not, if you don’t have a sense of yourself going into that, it could be pretty difficult.

Kimberly: 00:13:10 Yeah.

Gabby: 00:13:11 And they want you to be off kilter, right. So it would behoove more people around you not to be clear. And so they’ll, they, you will also then attract, of course people that are around you that will feed into that and help you stay more off kilter. It’s like people that become known and they have everyone around them saying Yes, that’s a different version of that. Instead of saying, Hey, you’re not acting great or No. Or what have you. So I think it’s unfortunately too, it’s like whatever we vibrate that those right people or wrong people, they’re gonna find us.

Kimberly: 00:13:47 Absolutely. That’s the people that are surrounded by the, the bubble of the Yes. Yeah. And then reality starts to mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, <laugh> go back and forth a little bit. And like you said, there isn’t happiness in that because we need to connect, we need to know the equality of all people. We’re not better just because we’re prettier. No. Because we’re better at something, quote unquote a skill. Yeah.

Gabby: 00:14:09 Especially pretty. Right? Like what kind of skill is that? Um, but you know, it’s funny too, I think it’s an interesting thing, uh, you said that knowing the equality of, of people, I used to, if I go into schools and talk to college athletes, let’s say, I’d say, Hey, listen, or high school, I’d be like, if you get to be on the team, you’re really, really, really so fortunate. Yeah. And if for some reason, for some reason you’re the best person on the team, you’re the most fortunate. And I think instead of looking at it like I’m special and I’m different, it’s like, wow, this part over here, I have a knack for it. I’m gonna really take care of this gift and I’m gonna be thankful for it. Versus Yeah. I’m hot shit. You know? So I think it was, it was, it’s like understanding that it’s anytime we get to do anything that we, our hearts desire, I think it’s such a real blessing. So if we can recognize it when it’s happening and say yes, and the way that I will show that I’m grateful is I will honor this and take care of it.

Kimberly: 00:15:08 Well again, you, you had these lessons in your soul when you came in, almost sounds like a very young age. Did your mother, was she loving with you? Did she teach you about this? Besides the example of seeing her messy relationships? Did she hold space for her beautiful young daughter navigating the world? Or was it inside of you always as a child?

Gabby: 00:15:30 You know, I think, um, it’s interesting cuz I, you know, as you get older, you, you, you change your mind about things. And when I was very young, I was really frustrated about my mother. My mother, um, sort of left me with a couple, um, my aunt, aunt and Uncle Joe when I was about two mm. I, she was, I know it sounds weird, but she was training dolphins in a circus in Mexico City. And my parents were not together. Um, my father’s from Trinidad, he was living in California. My mom was in Mexico. I I got whooping cough childhood, Frank came and basically I lived with them till I was seven and in Long Island. And, um, and I was, you know, I was, and then during that time my father passed away in a, in a plane crash. And so I was, um, you know, not ha I was angry about that, uh, early and then I moved back in with my mother.

Gabby:00:16:22 But what I’ve come to realize is that that was the gift back to me because it made me pretty independent. And it also made me understand that I was gonna have to try to understand something about the world for myself. I was gonna have to put some, some ideas together. And so my mother is a gift to me. It was not, I wouldn’t say it was the easy route, um, but it was the route that was right for, to help Yeah. Me learn all the things I was gonna need or develop this, the tools for later. Um, and it, and there were times it was pretty, it was stressful. I didn’t, you know, it’s like you, I would stay with other people. I would be bounced around a lot. And um, and, and conversely it’s a thing that’s really helped me, but it’s also sometimes made me like overly sort of looking for some kind of stability. Yeah. Um, so I’ve had to learn how to try to like, that’s not the answer either. Cause I don’t need that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I’m

Kimberly: 00:17:29 Not, you mean like going into rigidity or,

Gabby: 00:17:32 Or Yeah. I bought a, I bought a townhouse when I was 19. Like all the money I could get from modeling, it was like, cuz I think I was looking for roots all the time. Yes. Instead of understanding also. So it’s great cuz you’re looking ahead, you’re planning, you’re organized, you’re on time. You have four different ways to get something done. Cuz I couldn’t rely Yeah.

Kimberly: 00:17:50 On,

Gabby: 00:17:50 You know, but then on top of it, we can’t let all of it bury us. So then when you become a different person, your own person, you start to go, okay, now my next job is gonna be to offload some of this and try to like chill

Kimberly: 00:18:09 Sometimes. Is one of your tendencies tending towards control, would you say?

Gabby: 00:18:14 No, it’s weird. I’m not a control freak.

Kimberly: 00:18:16 No. Like I’m not, it’s organizing.

Gabby: 00:18:17 Yeah. And it’s, it’s like, uh, you know, planning and, and, and also, you know, the good thing about it is what makes me feel good is really pretty simple. I’m pretty simple person. It’s like there’s food in the refrigerator. My house is clean,

Kimberly: 00:18:34 Your house is, that is clean. It’s spotless.

Gabby: 00:18:37 But you know what I mean? Like, it’s like I’m a person who, what I really need I to have the people that I love near me. Um, I like to have, uh, professional options. I like the process of work and creating things and, and I like this idea of like, having opportunities. Yeah. And, and so I think for me, I’m, I’m very simple that way.

We share our grounding tools when doubt surfaces

Kimberly: 00:19:01 What about when doubt kicks in? Or does it for you because you, you do appear to have this enormously confident, empowered exterior. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, I know I go through a lot of self-doubt at times. I have my practices, my tools, I need to ground myself. But you’re already grounded. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So does it kick in? I should ask first of all,

Gabby: 00:19:23 At times. Yeah. I mean, it’s there, but it’s something I have a very strong relationship with.

Kimberly: 00:19:26 Yeah. You know, so what do you do?

Gabby: 00:19:29 I I just, you know, live with doubt and keep on going.

Kimberly: 00:19:32 Just breathe through it.

Gabby: 00:19:33 Yeah. I don’t, I have a, it’s like discomfort. I have a pretty good relationship with these things after all these years.

Kimberly: 00:19:40 He was an athlete

Gabby: 00:19:41 And you just Yeah. Cuz I doubt it a lot. Um, it’s interesting cuz I, I’m married to somebody who, like, when it comes to lad and his relationship with surfing, I never had that relationship with volleyball. Mm. You know, he has a supremely confident and humble sort of harmony and volleyball. I was like, I was just busting my ass working, hoping I could perform at a high level like the whole time. And so it, I’ve lived in that kind of relationship a lot and um, and now I know where to put it. I don’t let it take over. I know if I need to talk about it, like I could say, oh, it’s feeling like it’s hard or I, I’m not sure if I can do it, but, um, I I, it doesn’t paralyze me or kind of make me freeze into things. Right. Yeah. Right. I kind of move into it

Kimberly: 00:20:35 <laugh>. I love it. You see it, you keep going. And it’s interesting, you know, because I drink your coffee every day and I see it and I, I know, you know, I’ve met you both. And so I think about you guys and I think, Hmm. There’s two superstars here, and it’s called Laird’s Super Food. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And I wonder if there was ever this decision to call it Laird and Gabby’s, you know, you eat your bio. Yeah. One of the things was, you know, gosh, like you outsold some of the Air Jordan shoes when you had your deal with Nike mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So was was this ever, this sort of, you’re both so humble. Was this decision to sort of put Lad’s name on it and then, but you’re both doing it together when you were also, you know, that caliber.

What business looks like when working with your partner

Gabby: 00:21:15 Yeah, I, well, okay. Specifically with Laird Superfood, this was born out of a genuine habit of lads. Okay. And lad was always putting together and concocting, I got drawn into this business and I became a co-founder because I was like, oh, this is what we’re doing, <laugh>, but, and I can help. And when it’s three people in the beginning, you know, that’s what you do. But this was a really authentic extension off of Laird. And you know what, to be honest, I mean, and I’ve said to Laird, joking, um, I said, listen, you know, we’re, we’re, cuz we have, we’re in a great place. And I said, but I want you to know if we ever break up, I will take half of Laird Super Food cuz I have worked on this business as much as you, so please know it’s not in anger. Right. Like, if, you know, if the shit ever hits the fan, I just want you, I want you to be clear like that Will, and I, I was joking, but part of me,

Kimberly: 00:22:08 He’s going into panic mode. He’s like, please never

Gabby: 00:22:10 <laugh>. No, he doesn’t care. He’s Laird Laird is one thing about Lad is he’d be like, you know, he’s like, Laird doesn’t, he operates from a very different place than most people. And um, but I was joking with him. But my thing is this, I don’t care what you call it. Right. We wanted to thrive. I want the ingredients to be good. I feel proud of it. I, you know, name, no name, whatever. And and also, you know, Laird is the creative motor in, in our home. He is the creative person. He’s, you know, it’s like types of surfing and standup paddling and playing around with foils and messing out with drinks. Yeah. And so I, I believe one of the things I’m here to do in this world is to help foster some of lad’s creativity. And it took me a long time to have a peace with that cuz I feel like I’m an independent, self defined, you know, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff, person.

Gabby:00:23:05 And I’ve got stuff to do. And I’ve realized I’m like, oh, but wait. Also, one of the things I’m here to do is to help this very, uh, sincere person who I, I believe with the way that he lives. Um, he’s, he’s a great person to have out in the ether. Yes. You know, it isn’t a, you know, there’s a lot of people, everyone’s doing their role. And so I believe in that. Um, I asked actually, um, penny, who works with, uh, Paul Check’s wife Penny, um, you know who Paul Check is? No. Okay. Paul Check is a, a really intelligent, really a head person when it comes to physical movement, movement, eating, spiritual practices. Paul Check is a, is really incredible. And, um, he, you know, he openly has sort of two wives. And Penny is the one who’s been around the longest. She keeps him on task, you know, maybe they chose together, they weren’t gonna have kids. And then he has the next woman who she had the desire. They have two children, but they live as a family. Right. Okay. So

Kimberly: 00:24:09 It’s like a poly group.

Gabby: 00:24:10 Yeah. And it’s very clean and open. I couldn’t do it. Um, but whatever. But my point is, when I went to some people could do it. Yeah. When I, I was like, yo, if I’m washing your drawers, like, you know, I don’t know, but I’ve been in it now 27 years, I’ll be like, ugh, I could cheer. I don’t know. I don’t know. But right now, that’s where I’m at. Let’s just say. So anyway, but I was getting ready to interview Paul and I, I’ve known Paul a very long time and I’ve learned a lot from Paul. But I asked Penny, I said, Hey, you know, like, why do you, cuz in a way it’s always elevating Paul always, she’s always elevating

Kimberly: 00:24:41 Paul. She’s like in service to him almost.

Gabby: 00:24:43 And she said this, and she’s very clear and she’s very smart. This is, you know, and she said, I believe in the mission. Right. And I was like, that’s clear. And so separately from my own personal mission, I believe in what Laird represents. Yes. And I know how truthful he is. I live with him. Right. So I can get behind that all day long.

Kimberly: 00:25:03 I love that. It, it really is the disillusion of this name, these ideas, like the stuff that doesn’t really matter versus expanding it, getting it out to people. Yeah.

Gabby: 00:25:15 And I, I, it doesn’t,

Kimberly: 00:25:17 You don’t

Gabby: 00:25:18 Care. And I’m not gonna listen when I die, I always love that people talk to me about legacy. I go seriously. Like, who cares? Like, what does that mean? Yeah. I’m here to be here now. I’m here to help and love and support the people I can. And, um, and I’m, and also I’m not in, it doesn’t infringe on me. It takes a lot of energy, but it still doesn’t infringe on me personally. And, you know, I think it’s this idea of, well, I could probably be more personally successful or known or whatever if I didn’t put the energy into that. And it’s like, okay, but what does that mean?

Kimberly: 00:25:55 What’s important? Right. It’s the inner peace, it’s the fulfillment at the end of the day, knowing we’re putting our energy into a purpose that matters.

Finding your WHY when it comes to social media and business

Gabby: 00:26:04 Yes. And it, and by the way, I would like to say this to people because we live in a world of technology and sort of everybody now lives and like, there’s all these mini celebrities I’ve Yeah. <laugh> I’ve been around since prior to this. Yes. Getting, you know, when I, you know, getting attention and it was totally different. Um, and you’re sort of groomed for it. You get a little, then you get a little more, then you get more. And then you realize it’s like just a game that you’re playing so that it creates those doors that you have these options. Like, oh, I wanna work with them and I wanna do that project. That’s all it’s about. Like, if you’re a movie star, the only reason to be a movie star is so you can work with a director and a writer and a producer you wanna work with.

Gabby:00:26:42 It’s not, I mean, at the end of it, right? Like yes, you’re gonna get paid handsomely, but in the end it’d be like, no, now I get to do the work. I really, I get turned on to do. And by the way, those movie stars are still doing huge movies so they can do their independent movies, right? Like they’re doing ones to make money. They’re doing ones that turn them on in their craft. So what I wanna say though, to people is attention for attention’s sake is total nonsense. What you wanna do is you wanna have a reason. Yes. You wanna direct people to it. So now for example, like in my twenties, it was getting my bearings. Who am I, what’s my message? Whatever that means. Like how, what am I, what am I trying to say? Then in your thirties, you know, you, you’ve been hired by other companies, you’re with the Nikes or whoever.

Gabby:00:27:31 And then you start going, oh, I’m not in charge here. They can pull me, pull my, pull the plug any time. So then it becomes going, okay, great. And then also do I, do I wanna create or make something, something that connects so that when you have the attention, I can say to people, they go, well what else do you guys have? It’s like, oh, well we have these businesses so I can connect with you through your morning tea, coffee or your protein bar. That’s more interesting than like, aren’t you that old? Weren’t you that chick that played volleyball? <laugh>? It’s like, that doesn’t do any good. So I just wanna say to people, if you’re, if you are creating these mini kind of businesses around technology, start to think about that. Yeah. Is it, is it, is it content people are gonna pay for? Is it, is it programs? Is it something, you know,

Kimberly: 00:28:23 Even providing value?

Gabby: 00:28:24 Well, and no, now you have a business.

Kimberly: 00:28:27 Yeah.

Gabby: 00:28:27 Followers and likes Is is a, is a is. Yeah. It’s great. But now if you have this opportunity and you see that, I would encourage people to say authentically, what is an extension of you that you could connect and make a business? Because that then the attention makes at least some sense versus I have attention. It’s like, okay. And you won’t, at some point

Kimberly: 00:28:51 <laugh>, there’s a yogi teaching that we have 15,000 lives. And only one of those lives you have that big fame, like we’re talking about like fame for fame’s sake. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then you learn that lesson like, wow, this doesn’t give me what I thought it was gonna give me. So then you can come into the life and, and still have some of that ness, that energy, but not be tied to it. Right. No. And you can work with the energy, then you can do good. You can, you know, shift things and create things in your favor. But isn’t that interesting? The yogis know, like even from thousands of years ago, that was, you know, still in play, still here today. It it is, it is. The technology makes it a different game. It doesn’t turn off the 24 hour TikTok and so on. But it’s a big lesson, you know?

Gabby: 00:29:34 And if, you know, I, I’ve really come to a place where if my daughters, cuz I don’t have sons, um,

Kimberly: 00:29:41 Did you want a son just to

Gabby: 00:29:42 Mix it up? Oh, I thought it was gonna be, I was a, a mother to sons. I’m a brute. I was like, give me brutes. I

Kimberly: 00:29:48 Have the

Gabby: 00:29:48 Voice now I have all these feelings. Oh my God. I had to call my one daughter on the way here because when she was leaving, I was shooting something. And uh, I was a br I was very direct in my communication and this is my more sensitive daughter and she’s tough, but I could tell when I’d said it, she did not like the way I said it. Cuz I’m very direct. Yes. So I had to call her and go, Hey listen, sorry if we rubbed it all before, you know, she’s like, no, it’s not a big deal. But I’m just saying a lot of nuance, a lot of feelings. My youngest daughter’s more like me, so it’s it, she’s har very hard in another way for me. But I, I don’t have to worry about hurting her feelings. Yeah. She doesn’t get her feelings hurt. So I’m, I’m trying to learn and, and trying to be better. But, um, if my daughters, when I look in their face and now they’re, you know, kind of becoming young adults and I think they see me, they can kind of tolerate me and there’s even things in there that they might even go. Like, she’s okay if I can pull that off in my life, um, because that’s as honest as I could be. Yeah.

Kimberly: 00:30:55 Are you the discipliner or as lad

Gabby: 00:30:58 It’s different. I think, um, you know, we come in in different ways. We’re both, um, we’re pretty even, but because they’re young women, uh, it’s just, you have very different conversations. So I can see certain manipulation or certain things. So I go in harder at that. And lair honestly, um, he’ll be like, when it’s been too much insanity, like, you know, the youngest gets a little, like you’re outta your mind <laugh> with either the entitlement or something. Yeah. He’ll just come down like some caveman outta nowhere, which needs to happen. Cuz we get two, we overthink it with our words and all this gibberish that we have and we’ve completely abandon. Like, Hey, knock it off. Yeah. And so every once in a while later it’ll come in and just be like, yeah, that’s it. And I, and I’m like, that is actually, it needs to just all get shut down. Um, but otherwise I’m the one who’s kind of there in the day in, day out and he actually is there providing a lot of love. Mm. So I think that feels like it. I’m supporting them in their, in that journey of being a young woman and he’s just loving them.

Kimberly: 00:32:07 Your relationship is so inspiring to me because when LA came on this podcast, he mentioned you so many times. He’s in so much reverence of you and 27 years in it just seems you’re so connected through this process of mother, you know, parenthood Tuesday, Gabby was the first time my dad staying with us. He met him.

Gabby: 00:32:27 Was he rowing when I walked in?

Kimberly: 00:32:28 Yes. That was my dad. So cute. And we’re like, he’s in the house. And of course there was covid and stuff, but we went out to dinner and it was the first time we’ve been out to dinner by ourselves in three years. Wow. So we hang out. Are you serious? I’m serious. We hang out in the bedroom. We like to talk. Make love. Yeah. Hang out. We have our time by actually going somewhere without the kids. And now we have a two year old and a six year old. So we’re in it. But I was like, oh man, you really have to work at it to keep time together. You know, that connection. I,

Thoughts on romance and connection

Gabby: 00:32:57 I don’t know that Laird and I would be married if it wasn’t for Laird. And why I say that is is because Laird has the knack of keeping the, the dynamic of the romance. And the male female.

Kimberly: 00:33:11 Is he romantic?

Gabby: 00:33:13 Oh, he, well, and I’m not really interested in romance. Like, I’m not, like, I’m so again, like, just overly proud. Good.

Kimberly: 00:33:20 You Yeah. Yeah.

Gabby: 00:33:21 <laugh> like, it’s like, you know, even like with, you know, being together, I’m like, yo, let’s get to business. You know? And lad is like very, you know, kind and, you know, loving. But he has been the one that has helped me, um, set those kind of roles of within our dynamic, the male and the female.

Kimberly: 00:33:42 Mm. Oh yeah. Talk about that. The divine masculine, the dying feminine.

Gabby: 00:33:46 Yeah. He’s, he’s responsible for that because he, he really helps get me over to that side of myself cause

Kimberly: 00:33:51 I with a feminine. Yeah.

Gabby: 00:33:53 And cuz I’m a caretaker, I am a a hundred percent a caretaker. I will take care of you. I will feed you, I will take care of all your needs. But it’s done in a way that, um, it’s just, it’s different. It’s like I, I, Laird is the one person that has helped me kind of be even softer. Um, and so I don’t know. I I give him the credit for that because I think that’s part of what keeps that relationship and that fire burning is that there’s a slight sort of excitement and tension between the male and the female between us.

Kimberly: 00:34:31 Yeah. It’s so important.

Gabby: 00:34:33 It is. And he’s very good at, um, bringing that out in me. And, and, and also it’s like an unspoken that is the dynamic that he wants and that’s the way it’s gonna be. Otherwise it’s not gonna happen. So I think it’s also, he’s really good and he shows up, like he shows up double in a different way than I do. Mm. I show up in another way, like taking care of things, getting things dialed, creating that environment that seems to fall on me, but sort of the heart of the house and um, and like love and passion and like all of those things layered has really been the, the guard to that. And it’s helped me because that doesn’t, it isn’t a natural thing for me

Kimberly: 00:35:18 To find. My husband came on here and did a podcast and we talked about how important love making is and keeping that passion. And you and I have talked about how lad has a, has a big sexual appetite and he, you know, he, he, yeah. You know, that’s a big part of your life or Yeah. Well he, he,

Intimacy and keeping passion alive

Gabby: 00:35:34 I, I remember well cuz I used to joke that in my, my twenties I used to, you know, if I was in a relationship, I’d have sex when I felt like it mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And, um, and, and at that time I was playing sports and everyone thinks that you’re all fired up. And I’m like, actually you’re pretty tired <laugh>. And so you’re kind of like, ugh. You know? And, and, and also I think when you’re a young woman, you can sort of get it whenever you want it and then when you’re in a committed relationship, um, it took me till my thirties to realize you’re gonna feel like it once you get going, but if you only have it when you feel like it, you won’t have it enough for your partner.

Kimberly: 00:36:11 Right. And to make that effort.

Gabby: 00:36:14 Yeah. And it couldn’t be also that it had to be your partner’s suggestion. So I, I always, I would make it my suggestion all like all the time. And quite frankly, I’d say 50% of the time still, I’m not like, oh, I’m so excited. I’m like, I have so much shit to do right now. <laugh>. I mean, it’s just the way it is. But then I’m, I, but I a hundred percent of the time wanna make, I want to love lad and give lad what, you know, the things that he wants cuz he’s showing up for me in such a big way. And then once I get into the environment it’s like, oh, okay, that stuff can wait outside the door and then I can do it. So I think it’s also, um, getting a relationship with that a little bit and knowing like, yes, I’ll feel like it. And people who have brand new children, I will say of course it is. You’re off kilter. Listen, when you have brand new babies and very little babies, it’s like literally, you know, even sometimes like, it’s like it’s scheduled. It’s like, when’s your free 12 o’clock? Great. The kid will be asleep. Great. Is it sexy? No, it’s not a tv.

Kimberly: 00:37:13 It’s important. Still do it.

Gabby: 00:37:15 Yeah. You know, it’s like, and people don’t realize, like, and it may not be long and it may not be like, oh the sunlight’s coming in through the window. It’s like, it is sometimes, I mean, literally in our house we have our master closets sometimes it’s like we, when our kids were younger, we would hide in one of

Kimberly: 00:37:31 The closet. We decide

Gabby: 00:37:32 To, cause it’s quiet and Exactly. You know, it’s just far one more barrier away from like our door of our bedroom. It’s like, yes. So I just wanna encourage people. Cuz I think, and I, I know nobody wants to hear it, but I think with, with most male partners, it’s pretty simple. It’s like, hey, be kind and nice to them. There’s a difference between mothering and nurturing. Right. Nurture them. Don’t mother them. I don’t think they wanna be mothered. I think they want to be nurtured and, you know, food and, and sex. And, and, and that’s what the idea that they’re there to show up to. Yeah. Lair. Listen, Laird is there to show up. So it’s like, how can I be also of service in the way that means something to him?

Kimberly: 00:38:15 Well, what’s that line between mothering and nurturing? Because sometimes I, it’s a, you don’t wanna be a nag, but you wanna take care. You know, it can get a little,

The line between mothering and nurturing

Gabby: 00:38:24 I think it’s fun. Fu it’s done with a tender heart. Not within, I’m gonna tell you what to do.

Kimberly: 00:38:30 Yeah.

Gabby: 00:38:30 You know, and, um, and my hu you know, my husband is, has definitely taught me that. But I think it’s, it’s also, you know, the thing for me is I wanted to be with an alpha. Cuz I needed that to help me get out of my masculine. That’s why I was looking for it. And so I’m not saying it’s perfect and Right. I hear babies perfect and right.

Kimberly: 00:38:55 <laugh>, there you go. Mosy

Gabby: 00:38:56 For everyone. I’m saying what I needed so I could experience another side of myself. And so it was to have somebody, but in order to be with someone like that, they, they sort of require being treated a certain way.

Kimberly: 00:39:10 Right.

Gabby: 00:39:11 Like, I’m not gonna come in and dominate lad. He’s not gonna accept that.

Kimberly: 00:39:15 Were you in healthy relationships before Laird? And were they also Alphas

Gabby: 00:39:19 Pretty healthy? I had very nice, all I’ve had, I had sort of one boyfriend in high school that taught me, oh no, you wanna be treated well. Right. And so I had a first boyfriend when I moved from the Caribbean, um, who taught me what it was like to be really loved. Mm. Um, I still know him. He has a wife and three beautiful daughters. Um, but that set me off to like realizing that the strength is in the kindness and the loving not in Oh, he didn’t call me back like that did. I was like, oh, that’s, yeah. Okay. And the thing about lad is, you know, he takes it one step further, which was I’ll do anything for you. Um, and I, I would leave tomorrow if I’m not treated well and I doesn’t mean it’s like holding over my head, but it’s somebody who has a lot of self respect and wants it to be a certain way and shows up a hundred percent. And so,

Kimberly: 00:40:16 Well that keeps that tension. Like every day there’s this dynamic, you don’t take it for granted. No. And it’s

Gabby: 00:40:22 Exhausting. It’s exhausting by the way, if people go and they go, oh, it’s exhausting. It’s, but it’s how we do everything else. Yeah. I’ve been how I train. Right. It’s how I’m diligent about my food. You don’t, you’re actually don’t let off. Yeah. You’re not here to let off. You’re here. I’m here to do it. And is it tiring? Yes. But I don’t know that the alternative is, is better. And I, and I say this to people often, it’s like, most of us don’t live in the middle. Right? There’s like, people could say, oh, well I wish he or she was a little more or less. It’s like, no, pick what you want. Like we were joking about our husbands talk loud. It’s like <laugh>. But my husband is like, he’s intense. He’s emotional. I he’s excited about things. Yes. Do I want that or do I want somebody who’s sitting on the couch acting like life’s just going by? So it’s also reminding yourself like most of us live on one side or the other. Yeah. You know. Oh, she’s, she’s, uh, so emotional and she’s just, yes. But how is that showing up in a great way for you, let’s say for somebody, you know, it’s, it’s reminding people that it’s usually kind of one side or the other.

Kimberly: 00:41:27 And I always sort of picked people that were a little bit more like me. You know, like, oh, they’re yogis and they’re the softer. And then I met John and it was like, oh, like the motorcycles and the loudness and all this stuff. But then there’s the passion, there’s the connection, there’s the love making. Yeah. There’s, I was like, oh, well this is really the balance. And I never, sometimes you don’t know what Yeah. You know, kind of balances your own energy

Gabby: 00:41:53 And that’s it. And, and I think also, if I wasn’t as masculine as I am layered, it wouldn’t allow lair to be in his best self because I, I can hold space for him, but I won’t get eaten alive by him. Or take Dom, you know, smashed over by him. So there, I think it works both ways, but I’m always listen, I’m always working on it. And there are days like I don’t want to even have a family. You know, like, you know, at the end of the day sometimes when everyone’s like, oh, and I thought, you just think, oh my God, I these people, like, I love them. I love, I just wanna be by myself, you know? Oh my God. And I’m

Kimberly: 00:42:32 Sure. I know, I know. And I’m,

Gabby: 00:42:33 I’m sure they all feel that way too.

Kimberly: 00:42:35 I know we’re, we’re in it

Gabby: 00:42:37 And it’s like, oh. And it’s so great. Like the messy, the absurdity of it.

Kimberly: 00:42:44 The hilarity,

Gabby: 00:42:45 It’s perfect. <laugh>. It is, it’s perfect. And, and I think as you get older, I would say the notion of the word surrender. Yes. You know, I love all these people. Like my favorite are people who have decided not to or haven’t yet had a family. And they’re like, oh, I just surrender. I’m like, mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Sure. <laugh> <laugh>.
Kimberly: 00:43:05 Well, you know, the yoga tradition, they say we go deepest with one person because, you know, in some context, because you can, unless you’re a monk, of course. Yeah. But otherwise, if you’re on your own, you can sort of have these habits.

Gabby: 00:43:17 I’m great on my own. I’m so amazing.

Kimberly: 00:43:18 You don’t have the mirror back

Gabby: 00:43:20 At you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met when I’m by myself.

Kimberly: 00:43:23 And also, you know, in Western culture, I think we, we, you know, there’s a lot of discussion about what’s feminine, what’s strong, right. In Indian culture, there’s these archetypes that goddesses. And when I started learning about them, I was like, whoa. You know, Collie has necklace of skulls around her neck and she’s the most fierce mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But they say she’s the most compassionate and the most loving. She has her tongue out and she looks really scary. Right. There’s these archetypes that the DGA has 10 arms with, you know, 10 weapons for, you know, overcoming delusion. So she has a sword. Sometimes you need to cut through bs. Yeah. But then she has a lotus, sometimes you need to bring peace. So, you know, I, I dunno if you’ve ever felt the pressure of people looking, you being like, oh, Gabby’s female icon. She’s what, you know, what feminism should be. This is the strong different type of feminine energy and you’re being yourself. So what do you, what do you think about all

Being your unique best version of the Self

Gabby: 00:44:17 That? You know, I, I think it’s this. I think we’re all here to contribute.

Kimberly: 00:44:21 Yes.

Gabby: 00:44:22 We are our unique self. So what I try to focus on, uh, is how can I be the best of who I might, I have the opportunity to be within the trueness of who I am. Not trying to mimic, like, I could see you and think I have, I, I see women like you too, and even the speaking voice. And I’m sure with your children, like I’m a very, like, sometimes I wish I was more playful and more of these things. Um, but I also am who I am. Right? Yes. So within that, how can I be the best version and then contribute her to the world? And um, and you know, it’s like I’ve had people ask me like, oh, well what do you think if you, you mean to people or what, uh, you represent? And I go, I couldn’t tell you cuz only they can define that.

Gabby:00:45:14 Mm. I can just keep trying to be the best version of myself and things that seem very true to me or genuine to who I am and put that into the world that I live in. Because I think that’s our job, right? Is to love each other, is to come with kindness, is to show up, is to contribute. And each person’s way of doing it is equally as important and necessary. Yes. Um, because otherwise you’re gonna live and die. You know, I, I mean, listen, I’ll give you an example. I’ve had people walk up to me. I mean, I’m 52 years old. I started doing this when I was 18 and saying, wow, you little, you, you look pretty. You still look pretty good. And I’m like, you know, and the, and, and luckily right, the the objective person in me, this person who can be really pretty objective, like grounded Yeah.

Gabby:00:46:08 Is like, oh, check this shit out. You know, like, check that line out. That was a good one. You know, like, because I’m still a person and I still have, I still know about my own immortality. And it’s all very well documented on top of it, right? As far as like who I ha have been and who I am today. These are different people. But yet people would sort of expect me to have something same. So what your, what your job is, is to just keep listening to your own guide inside of you, because that’s what got you there in the first place. And to ask for help, you know, I, I try to ask, I pray for some kind of wisdom. I try to, I ask for, for me to be able to see where my blind spots are and, um, and to make those less scary. Right? Like, how do I do that? So people who know me, really, I’m not trying to hide or not, I’m not trying to hide something, but that, how do I make the things that really could get me less scary even to me? Um, and then, and, and just try to, you know, help when you can and, and, and maybe not also think it really matters so much.

Kimberly: 00:47:31 I think about, you know, when I was preparing for this, I was looking back, your whole timeline. Lots of, lots of stuff out there. And you realize, you know, when you’re in your twenties and you’re starting out, there’s this, you know, the magazines, it’s like this, this imagery. But then when you’re, you know, coming from deeper waters, you have this wisdom, this experience, it comes through in your energy. It’s so powerful. It is a very different type of beauty. It’s a very different type of energy that we don’t get unless we have these life experiences and we don’t have these things that shape us. And it, it comes out of our hearts. We live in the world as we all know, where it’s, you know, the TikTok and the, the, the surface stuff. But it’s like eating frosting. It’s so empty. It gets so old so fast. You know, like we were saying, the fame for fame’s sake, it just kind of comes, it’s a moment in time and then we’re just chasing, chasing, chasing. It’s not interesting.

Gabby: 00:48:26 No. I think if I can honor myself during all of this, that, uh, I, I’m good. Like I can be still in that and have those real relationships. Um, because, you know, in a way, none of us are, I always say none of us are special and we’re also special. That’s right. And so it’s, it’s, it’s floating in between, in and in and out of that. Like, Hey, I’m special enough. I’m gonna take care of myself. I’m important enough to like honor my feelings and my thoughts, and nobody gives a shit what I’m doing simultaneously all the time or what I think or what I feel. Yeah. Because it doesn’t really matter. And so for me, my hope is actually to make all of these ideas, or the things that I represent, just an invitation for people to explore that version in their own life, whatever that is, of what are the best ways I could care for myself? What are the things that are gonna give me a sense of deep purpose and meaning and you know, how can I kind of live my life in a way that really genuinely reflects my internal self?

Kimberly: 00:49:39 Yeah.

Gabby: 00:49:39 And after that, it’s like, you know, it goes back to, to my girls that if when it I’m done on this one, and you know, what, if they go, Hey, you, you, you did okay. Um, that, that would be great. But also, and not to get stuck, I wanna be a lot of different people. I’m still not done. Like now my kids are getting older, I’m ready to work more. Mm. So I think it’s also really also us not thinking we’re, that we have the expectation of like, oh, well you’re, oh, you’re that yogi, you know, feel good. It’s like, yeah, you might have been, and maybe now you’re also, and

Kimberly: 00:50:11 Exactly. Yeah. The, and the, and well, that’s a big lesson I’ve had to learn. Because for me growing up and until a few years ago, and still I’m processing, it’s the external, it was the lists. Like, oh, top of your class number one, how many weeks are you on the, the New York Times bestseller list? It’s just all this stuff. And then it’s, you realize is enough. You know what I mean? You get there and you’re like, oh, well I still have whatever’s going on inside of me. I’m still me. But it, that was a huge lesson for me, Gabby. And I’m, you know, still processing, you know, childhood stuff and ness, and my parents were working a lot and struggling. So I was just sort of trying to find my own self. And it’s interesting as an adult, the way that, you know, we have to keep coming back in here.

Gabby: 00:50:56 Yeah. And it can make us really, really successful.

Kimberly: 00:50:59 It’s right. So I think it’s drive, it’s

Gabby: 00:51:02 Great. It’s just when we know where the great stops and where it starts to go back to e old patterns or old definitions or old stories that we go, oh, you know what, I’m gonna, I’m gonna get something new here. So I, I think it’s, it’s really enjoying and appreciating it because I have a, a friend who said, you know, our, our life, our parents, our whole thing was meant to, um, you know, hurt us in such a very specific way. Mm

Kimberly: 00:51:32 Mm Yes. Oh, I

Gabby: 00:51:34 Like that. Yes. And, and so when he said that, I thought, oh, that’s so true. And then it is our job to go Yes. And mm-hmm. I, I don’t <affirmative> I don’t need that anymore. I’m not a two year old kid anymore in Mexico City, or, you know. Yeah. So I don’t, why would I be living by these old programs? And so I think that is part of the work or growing up, which is like, oh, I’m gonna offload that. But I’m so very grateful for, um, some of the forming that occurred because of those specific situations and, and, um, and being grateful for them. You know, one thing I’m always trying to figure out is so like, you can forgive everybody and you can go like, oh, they did the best they could and all these things. Right. But then sometimes it’s, this goes back to that harshness of simultaneously going, and that situation isn’t good for me. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I’m gonna honor myself. Yeah. And so there’s, when you talk about? I have that harshness. It’s, I also recognize when I have to cut something or say it’s not gonna work for me. And it’s not, cuz I don’t feel loving

Kimberly: 00:52:42 The boundaries.

Gabby: 00:52:43 It’s cuz it’s like, yeah, I to, I’m totally cool, but I don’t wanna be in this situation anymore. Yes. And so I think that, um, you know, you asked me about that directness. Um, there’s a guy named that.

Kimberly: 00:52:55 That’s the sort of durga.

Gabby: 00:52:57 Yeah. It’s just like, yeah. Okay. Rich Divi wrote this book about, um, leadership and he, he talked about, you know, traits of a leader. So one of them is they can make a decision, doesn’t mean it’s the right decision, but they can be definitive. And because the other, one of the other traits is they’re totally accountable. They can say, I made the wrong decision. We’re gonna turn around, we’re gonna go the other way. Mm. Okay. Um, he also talks about their job is to create an environment for the people in the environment to be their best. It isn’t not about the leader, it’s about them creating a situation for people to thrive in. Yes. Different types of people. And, um, and just sort of this importance of, if you ask me like, Hey, what’s super important? I do wanna be strong, but in a real way. Yes. Which is usually quiet, more quiet. Um, and, and steadfast, unapologetic in a certain way doesn’t mean you, you’re not quick to apologize. It just means you can’t go around making decisions and choices that you think are right for the situation you’re in. And then having to apologize for them. Mm. Cause we do that. It’s like, I know this is gonna be sorry, but we have to do this. You know, it’s like, no, this is what has to happen. And, um, I just am trying to keep moving in that direction in my life.

Kimberly: 00:54:14 And also deep humility, I think comes off you as well because that strength means I don’t know everything. And I’m also open to other people’s ideas, back to the equality. Because I think when people aren’t humble, it starts to get really rigid fast. And that’s when you can crack

Humility, equality and strength

Gabby: 00:54:34 <laugh>. You know, when I, I go to like a, because I go to the grocery store, right. Get food. And, um, I’ll see women there, or men and I, I know that these people are, they work hard, right. And they’re, they, this may not be their only job. And my feeling is always, oh no, this is the strong person.

Gabby:00:54:57 If you, if you say to me, oh, I’m strong. I don’t know what that means. I’ve been put in every environment to be strong. Everything has strengthened me. I haven’t been really put in, I mean Okay. Yeah. Okay. A couple bumpy things as a childhood, but it’s like, you’re in sports, you’re, you’re in fitness. You have, I have a good partner. I’ve had great friends and mentors. Everything has been there to help me be strong. Mm. But what about the people who are still showing up and strong when everything in their world, or a lot of things are not working to strengthen them.

Kimberly: 00:55:33 Yeah. They don’t have the tools.

Gabby: 00:55:35 And when I see that, I’m like, these are the strong people. Yeah. Because it’s just to do baseline is, is hard. I’ve gotten to go past baseline and everyone’s like, oh, let me help you with these other things. And so I think for me, that’s how I view it. I view, um, when people are put in environments that in a way they’re str they’re kind of having to work upstream and they’re showing up. I’m like, that’s the badass. And I just got catapulted. And then I’m in a physical size that also kind of

Kimberly: 00:56:14 In the face

Gabby: 00:56:15 Creates

Kimberly: 00:56:16 <laugh>. Yeah. The beauty,

Gabby: 00:56:17 This environment around me mm-hmm. <affirmative> that I, it’s like, so in a way I’m like, well, you’d been an idiot not to get it partially done. You know what I mean? Like, truthfully, like, if you really look at it. And so I kind of, that’s how I view

Kimberly: 00:56:34 It. Well, that’s a very clear vision, Gabby. That’s the third eye open. Because otherwise, if we’re just here, we’re like, Hmm, look at me, <laugh>. You know,

Gabby: 00:56:44 I, I I would say I’m a lot of things, but I don’t think I’m, I don’t think I’m that foolish that in that.

Kimberly: 00:56:51 Right.

Gabby: 00:56:52 I think I, I, uh, some cuz you used the word humble. Right. And I’ve said this before, it isn’t that I’m humble. I’m not, I know the laws of the universe. Mm. I understand it. And I don’t need to to, to tempt it, to tempt fate or to learn those lessons. It’s like I have one daughter right now going through some stuff and she’s feeling herself pretty good. And she’s, you know, she’s a beautiful girl and she’s feeling it. And I say to her, I had this conversation with her the other day. I said, listen, you’ve been given a lot of high cards. You’re a very bright, she’s a bright, intelligent person. She’s funny. I go, you come from a nice family. Your parents are together, you’ll have opportunity. You’re a pretty girl. I’m like, but you better be a good steward of your high cards because life will have a way and it can switch it in one second. Mm.

Kimberly: 00:57:43 Did she take that in? She’s

Gabby: 00:57:45 Like, are you trying to scare me? And I was like, no, but I’m trying to tell you the way it works. Which is, if you’re not a good steward, it can, you can get the, you can switch the card this quick. And so, in a way, maybe I’ve always known that. And so I’m just trying to be a good steward because I am aware that it least in this round, um, you know, I have some things working in my favor. So I’m, I I’m trying to be a good steward. And so, um, I don’t think it is humility.

Kimberly: 00:58:14 Mm. Well, it’s perspective, whatever, you know, whatever we wanna call it. Yeah.

Gabby: 00:58:17 It’s understanding. It’s like, hey, I know my place. I’m here to do in a way, I’m very blue collar. My, I have another daughter who’s way more spiritual and she’s like, she thinks Claire and I are like peasants. You know, like, we’re just like, you know, do it yourself. Work hard, blue collar, you know, kind of people. And I’m like, yeah, that’s fine. If that’s what our role is this time around, we’ll take it.

Kimberly: 00:58:40 What a, what a different upbringing your, your children have. And and same thing for my children from, you know, some of the struggles I went through. And so I think, Hm. Like we had some hard knocks. We had to grow mm-hmm. <affirmative>, what about these kids that <laugh> It’s really nice.

Gabby: 00:58:54 And you have to realize too, that I bring, it’s their, it’s their path.

Kimberly: 00:58:57 Their destiny. It’s their

Gabby: 00:58:58 Karma. Yeah. And so I I, I used to subconsciously always put, try to put my template on them. And then I, I learned very quickly, especially, you know, you start having teenagers, it’s like, oh yeah, no, that’s not their journey. Yeah. They have a very different journey. So you’re gonna have to recalibrate and, and parent differently and look at it differently and, and just, uh, admit to the things that you, you just really don’t understand. Cuz there’s so many,

Kimberly: 00:59:24 Well, you have these amazing daughters and you have your husband. We talked about, you know, the closeness of the family. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But what about other community? What kind of women friends are you attracted to? You and I talked a bit about, we’re both a little bit introverted mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I like to be with friends, but I also like to be by myself. I need that time. What kind of women do you like to hang out with? Or men.

Who we’re drawn to in female relationships

Gabby: 00:59:48 In general? Yeah. No, we have a lot of people around us. I’m always drawn to people. I feel like that for. Well, I mean this is like a really on the superficial level, I I I’m never attracted to women that I feels like they’re trying to mess with me. Mm. You know, like, or there’s a pro, like there’s some kind of issue or drama. Drama. Yeah. I mean, I’m allergic to it. Even when my daughters have pulled me into drama, you never saw me more angry Yeah. Than when people are trying to, cuz I’m like, listen, life is hard enough. Like, you wanna waste my time with this. Like, I just, I have an aversion for it. So it’s usually people that I just like, they’re not messing with anybody. There’s, you know, and obviously I, I enjoy people that are like, they have, uh, you know, sort of intelligence and, um, curiosity about the world mm-hmm. <affirmative>

Gabby:01:00:43 And, um, and people I can have a real conversation with when I have to work to have conversation or if we have an uncomfortable thing that we can’t talk about. I just generally I’m, I’m not so good there, but I’m, I mean, I, I’m a big fan of, I’m a guys girl and a girls girl. Yeah. I, I, I really, I like, you know, all types of women. I mean, I’m, I probably go for stronger women, but that doesn’t mean in that obvious way. Right. The strength shows up so many ways. Um, and just people that are like, yeah, here it is.

Kimberly: 01:01:18 You know, straight shooters. Yeah.

Gabby: 01:01:19 But I go with my own God on chemistry. I’m a big chemistry person. And I think when we meet people, we have either a really natural chemistry with them. Totally. Male or female. And, um, and so I, I learned that probably in my thirties. Like, I would have certain friends and I would always be like, why does she say that? Or, and I, and I would dawn on me. Oh no, it’s, she’s perfect. You just don’t have great chemistry. Mm.

Kimberly: 01:01:43 Intuitively.

Gabby: 01:01:44 Yeah. So stop trying to analyze it or make it how you think it should be. Just realize that and just love them and, and tears. Right. I always say like, I have the friends that are in the inside ring. Yeah. And there’s a second ring and then a third and a fourth. And you just know where everybody kind of, it works. Yeah. You know, don’t bring the outside fifth ring person all the way deep inside to the inside interior and then be like, why were they acting like that? Right. It’s like, don’t be an idiot. You know? Right. Like, you know what the thing, maybe that’s a gym friend.

Kimberly: 01:02:15 Right.

Gabby: 01:02:16 Or, you know, you go to yoga.

Kimberly: 01:02:17 Exactly. Or in group situations. Correct.

Gabby: 01:02:20 Yeah. So, um, yeah. And, and I always say, I just, my thing is, is always I do ask myself this. And I’ve, I’ve said this quite a bit in every relationship except the ones with my children. I ask, what am I getting? And what that means is it could just be like, I’m with you and I’m inspired by you and I watch the way you live. And I think, oh, you know what? That I could be a better person. Or I have friends who are just super smart. Mm-hmm. Or whatever it is not, not something. Right. But what am I getting? How is this feeding me in a certain

Kimberly: 01:02:51 Way? Yeah. Nourishing.

Gabby: 01:02:53 And that is something I ask of all, including my marriage, all my relationships all the time.

Kimberly: 01:02:59 Well, that’s the directness again. Cause I’ve had to learn that Gabby, it’s like, oh God, I feel so drained. I feel like I always had to say yes. Now it’s like, no, the boundary, this person is kind of an energy suck. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, girls

Gabby: 01:03:11 Have, we have, they have a hard time with that. It’s one of my favorite words. No, wait. And, and it gets to a place too. Um, I heard a great, I don’t know, remember which leader? No complaining. No explaining. It’s like I’m not gonna explain myself. Yeah. Um, if can you make it? I can’t. No. And I’m not gonna make up something about it. Um, but also I like it. No complaining. No explaining. It’s like handle it yourself too. Like all of it. Like, so it, I think if you’re doing one, it gives you the, a little bit more of the right to do the other. And um, and also, you know, I do meet my friends in certain places at times that I know it’s important for them, but they also know like, I’m not gonna be the friend. Don’t invite me to these all female gatherings. But like, you have some something going on and you wanna talk about it safely. I’m probably a pretty good person to call.

Kimberly: 01:04:03 Yeah. There’s the rock, there’s that. Yeah.

Gabby: 01:04:05 And I’m not gonna be like, oh my god. Or judge you and you’re never gonna hear that Anyone ever heard about it? Yeah. Like, I’m here to be a friend, but I’m not here to like, you know, this comes back to the fun part. I could probably be a little more fun <laugh>. And if you wanna train with me or do that, oh yeah, I could do that. Like, that’s a language I speak. I will train with all my friends. I’ll train them, I’ll let them train with me. I’ll do it for them. But that’s, you know, it’s like, or something’s happening or we gotta talk about something. But it’s, I don’t know, like ha ha ha, I’m pretty florally dresses and like champagne, like the thing. I’m just like,

Kimberly: 01:04:39 See you later.

Gabby: 01:04:40 Yeah. I, um,

Kimberly: 01:04:41 It’s fluff, you know, fluffy.

Gabby: 01:04:43 It’s too hard for me, but I need more of that. I see it and I go, that looks wonderful, but it’s not me.

Kimberly: 01:04:48 Yeah. You know? And that’s okay,

Gabby: 01:04:50 Jim, you know Jim Kwik. Do you know who he is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He’s, I think he’s the one who taught me that. We all have a question. Did I ever talk to you about this? No. So we have a question. Most of us lead with a question in our lives. And I was like, Uhhuh. And he goes, do you know your question? And I said, I go, yeah, I know. I have two questions side by side. The first one is what’s the point? And the second one behind that is, what is the right way to react or to conduct myself in this moment? And those are the two then. So sometimes it’s like, what’s the point? But there’s sometimes there’s a celebration in life and that is the point. And that is in the playing and being playful. Yeah.

Kimberly: 01:05:29 The silliness,

Gabby: 01:05:31 Music, observing music. So I, I have ex you know, I extend it beyond that. But I’m saying I, I, this is one of the many things I look at and I’m working on

Kimberly: 01:05:42 Too. Wait, so Gabby, you never get angry. You never have like a big outburst because you’re able to reign it in.

Gabby: 01:05:48 For the most part. I don’t, wow. My kids can get me to flip my,

Kimberly: 01:05:52 But you, you process that anger even in the moment.

Gabby: 01:05:56 Most, I’d say 99% of the time. Usually I’ll be like, wait, I think I’m gonna get, I’m getting angry. And a lot of times I’ll see something ahead and I’ll know I’m gonna be, this is going to make me, you know, have a strong emotion or negative emotion. And I don’t go towards it.

Kimberly: 01:06:14 But What about with, you know, layered or the business? Or do you guys just discuss, you don’t really fight?

Gabby: 01:06:20 No, and I don’t like to talk too much, too many, too much words, too many, too much talking. I, I, I will try to understand what’s happening first. Like, like the whole picture first. Like, well, what is happening? And then, um, what needs to really get addressed and what needs to just, you know,

Kimberly: 01:06:38 That’s probably not attracted to women that are overly emotional because you have this really, you know, emotional strength. So then it’s like, pull your shit together.

Gabby: 01:06:47 Well, but see there’s a great lesson for me. I have a very good friend Nancy and Nancy’s all emotion. And, um, I’ve learned a lot by, by understanding that we all have a lot of languages. Yeah. And that there’s, that the value of all these different languages. So I have, I just make room for it. Um, and again, I’m very, I have a very strong instincts and I, I know a lot about people when I first meet them. People think they’re looking at me, but they don’t realize that I’m actually looking at them because of my size and cuz of everything. People think they’re observing me, but what they don’t realize is that their guard is down and I can see so much about them so quickly. And because I grew up not in the most safe way, I’m hyper alert.

Kimberly: 01:07:37 You’re very sensitive.

Gabby: 01:07:39 Yeah. So I can see so much, uh, very quickly. So I, I, I understand the importance of all these things and I’m working on bridging the gaps between my language and people who are emotionally based. And I don’t cast big, you know, statements when my friends are like, well I feel this. I don’t go, oh, don’t be ridiculous. I just go, I just listen. Yeah. You know, that’s the other thing is I’m, I’m learning to, to do that because when you care about people and you love people, it’s important to make an effort to understand where they’re coming from and, and the ways that you can connect to them.

Kimberly: 01:08:22 Yes. And try to settle the judgment. Yeah. Not just so ridiculous, so dumb.

Gabby: 01:08:26 Oh my god. Yeah. And I’m, and I’m, you know, and I, sometimes I’m pretty, what I, you know, I’m pretty tough. Like I can handle a decent amount and so sometimes, but I’m like, yo, like we’re all so different.

Kimberly: 01:08:38 It’s so funny Gabby, cuz you keep saying that, but whenever I see you, your post around you, you just feel like all

Gabby: 01:08:45 No, I just mean like what I can take in. Oh

Kimberly: 01:08:47 Yes. Like, it’s

Gabby: 01:08:48 Like, okay train deal with a hundred things at once and I’m seldom gonna be like, oh, I feel overwhelmed. I’m just gonna kind of try to lock and load and keep going. That’s what I mean. No, I, I don’t, but so when other people are like, oh, this is hard. Or that I just go, oh, okay. You know, like I try to bridge it cause other things are hard for me.

Kimberly: 01:09:09 Like what <laugh>, I’m like, try to

Gabby: 01:09:12 Like, okay, so I’m an only child. Like last night my daughters were gonna get into like, they were in a disagreement. And it’s so unsettling for me. Oh. It’s just cuz I’m not accustomed to, I didn’t have siblings and I, family and peace and clarity is so important for me. And so when I feel like, and, and Lord’s like this is part of them, this is all normal.

Kimberly: 01:09:34 Does he have siblings?

Gabby: 01:09:36 He has a younger brother. And so it makes me uncomfortable when things aren’t clear or peaceful. I’m not into like ha ha ha but I like to have peace with people. I don’t want to have a discord or, you know, for, you know, why.

Kimberly: 01:09:53 Yeah.

Gabby: 01:09:54 Yeah. I mean, if I have to, I will. I mean, it’s like that. If they’re really determined to do that, and I know that that’s what’s happening, I’m cool with that. But like, genuine, just like, not a misunderstanding. And we can’t seem to get a little bit on a page together. That’s hard for me. But if it’s like, oh, you’re gunning for me, that’s cool. No problem. You know,

Kimberly: 01:10:15 <laugh>. Well, like, let’s talk about the fitness for a second, which we have in touch on. You mentioned it. Do you, do you love it, Gabby? Do you love training the X pt? No

Thoughts on fitness and training

Gabby: 01:10:24 No. I don’t love it. I mean, it’s like, I, I, I love how I feel when I’m done. I love the opportunity to move my body. I love the gift of health. Um,

Kimberly: 01:10:33 But when you’re in it,

Gabby: 01:10:35 Like today, I was in my pool today and it was in, its in the fifties and LA’s like, we’re just gonna do, there’s a, you know, this drill. And I was like, oh yeah, no, I don’t wanna do this drill. And, and it was, I was not, didn’t feel good. Yeah. And usually I can deal with other kinds of pain and it’s just, it’s, but again, I don’t need to lose my health to understand. I, I would like to have it, so I will do what it I need to do to take care of it. But also movement is just another expression. You, you have your own practices in this. So I use my movement as just another way to communicate because, um, I’m so limited by just who I am and you know, what words I’m able to string together. So I use movement as just another way to be in the world and, and to connect with myself through that. I really liked it when I was a younger woman that it was like, how does my butt look in these jeans? Yeah.

Kimberly: 01:11:35 Or right. The

Gabby: 01:11:36 Physical, my butt will get me up in the air to go do something. So it was, it got me a different way to connect with myself.

Kimberly: 01:11:44 I used to be obsessed with how much do I weigh? Let me weigh myself every, you know, all this, the nuer again, the numbers and the external. And then I just threw it away. So now I never weigh myself. I walk, I do yoga sometimes for you, Gabby. Is it, you said, I like the way I feel, but do you still feel this pressure? Everybody’s looking at me. I’ve, you know, I’m supposed to be this beautiful person.

Gabby: 01:12:08 No, I, I

Kimberly: 01:12:09 I’ve, you’ve said that

Gabby: 01:12:10 I don’t know that I really had that. I, I’ve always tried to base my actions and things generated from something that meant something to me. Because, you know, I’m, I, I can remember playing in a volleyball tournament, playing my heart out, winning or losing, getting off the court, sweaty, dirty. You know, this is something I train hard for and somebody’s there wanting me to sign a magazine picture that I, that’s like pretend. And so what people are gonna gravitate towards you, you’re never going to know. And most of them, like the stuff that is the least interesting to me. Right. That took the least amount of effort.

Kimberly: 01:12:51 Right. Right.

Gabby: 01:12:52 So I stay in my own language and um, and the thing that I’m going to respect myself for. And so that’s why it feels good, um, because it’s, it’s honest, right? Like I could come here and I could be having a certain day or I could say things a certain way that maybe it’s a better version of myself. But when you move and you do things, it’s kind of the most, one of the more truthful things that you can do. Yeah. And so I, I’ve always liked meeting myself there. Um, because it’s truthful. It’s all, it’s just you and doing it and, um, doing it when you don’t wanna do it, doing when you do wanna do it, you know, did you go as hard as you could? Did you hold back? It’s those moments of just stripped down, um, that I, I go, oh, there, there I am. There’s, you know, in those, it’s like when people meditate and stillness, right? You go, oh, there I am. Yeah. You know, when you, when someone provokes you because it’s close to some kind of truth that you don’t like, you go, oh, there I am.

Kimberly: 01:13:59 Yeah.

Gabby: 01:14:00 Those moments.

Kimberly: 01:14:01 Do you guys do those ice baths? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, there you are. Right. I, my husband does ’em. We have one in the garage and there it is. There you are Wim h talk like Mm. Yeah. And presence. We

Being enough and finding the stillness

Gabby: 01:14:14 Don’t get that. And there’s something really cool about there I am. And you have people around you that say, that’s good enough for me. And you say to yourself, that’s enough for me too. I’m gonna keep trying and I’m gonna try to be better. But in this moment it’s, it’s enough. It’s okay. And so those are the moments that it, you get that relationship with it with We are enough, even though of course we should continue to strive to be better, but we are enough also.

Kimberly: 01:14:48 Yes, that’s right. It’s the duality within the oneness. Yep.

Gabby: 01:14:53 That’s important.

Kimberly: 01:14:54 Well, where are you finding that stillness, Gabby? Do you meditate or you’re finding, you know, your workout sound like there’s an element of a spiritual practice in there that nowness

Gabby: 01:15:04 It’s weird. I, you know, I’m a routine. Like it’s, I have to be careful about routine. I’ve gotten a little better about switching things up. So progress comes with consistency. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, we, we know this of any practice, so how do I have continue with consistency and progress with, with some type of adaptability and malleability. Right. Simultaneously. And I think for me, adding more of that has helpful for that check kind of checking in. Cuz it puts me in a different environment a little bit. Yeah. But also I, every day am I sort of say that whether it’s in the shower or I drive by myself, I will do an internal check in regardless every day about every kind of thing that comes to mind. So my relationship with Laird, what’s going on with my businesses? Do I have stress around that? Am I worried about money? Am I worried about age? Uh, how are my girls doing? Am I worried about one of them? What am I worried about? Could I do anything about it? Whatever. So I’m not a person who isn’t pretty keen Yeah. Keenly connected to the things that I’m feeling. Um, and then I think, what can you do? What do you need? Conversations you have? Is there something you need to switch up? And then I keep moving through. So I, I try to stay very close to that stuff.

Kimberly: 01:16:20 So you, you’re like your own therapist. Well you say real true self connection that you’ve been so blessed with.

Gabby: 01:16:26 Yeah, I think so. And, and listen, I’ve been in a marriage longer than I been half my life. Right. And I have a partner that I can say anything to. I can, I’ll give you a quick story. So Laird, my oldest daughter’s 27. So Laird came with a four month old mm-hmm. <affirmative> and

Kimberly: 01:16:46 Her four months. Wow.

Gabby: 01:16:46 But her mom is a great mom was around. So we got to co-parent her. And when she was about three, my daughter, um, she looked like her. We were all in a shower together, her and her dad and I, and I was young, I was 28, 27. And she looked up and she looked like our mom. Right. And so I, you know, when you’re young and you’re passionate about someone, it’s like, I wasn’t the first wife. I wasn’t the first one to give him a daughter. It was all this weird stupid stuff. So anyway, I get out of the shower and, um, Laird’s very aware of things and he, so I have obviously has some kind of shift and he goes, what’s up? And I said, nothing. I’m like a terrible person. Right. And he, because remember I was raised by people who are not my parents.

Gabby:01:17:34 So I’m well and I love them and I’m well aware of the power that another adult love can do for you. And that’s my job. Right? Yeah. Like, I’m her stepmom. My job is to only love her. My job is not to feel threatened or jealous or weird about a three year old. So I say to Laird, he goes, no, what’s up? I say, well, I’m, I’m a terrible person. He goes, go ahead. I go in the moment, you know, we were there. She looked like, you know, her mom. And it just, I felt weird and jealous. And then, you know, and then I was mad at myself for having these feelings. And he says to me, seems pretty natural. Totally. And it was over. Yeah. Right. Like I said it, I got to say it. Yeah. But it also took it away from me so I didn’t have to keep feeling it.

Gabby:01:18:21 Amazing. So I think it’s, it’s not also only being like having a decent kind of check in with myself. It’s having a partner that you can say the really uncomfortable things Yes. When you really need to, that feel ugly about yourself and that you’re not proud of, but it’s part of the human condition that also, if you could find a way to offload it, that that would help you get more distance from those feelings. Yes. And so lad has been really one of the best people I’ve ever known that you can say anything and he’ll be like, okay, so after that, did it really go away? Yeah. And of course. And that was the only time. And also as she got older and the relationship was just between her and I, cuz I always had to have the relationship kind of through her mother, of course when she was younger.

Gabby:01:19:07 But then when we have her own direct, um, and I’ve always viewed her as my daughter, it was just that instant, that pain. Um, but that I, I couldn’t shake it, you know? And so I think, and you have these feelings now, like if I have a really bad thought or feeling about another person and I wanna find a right place to put it, sometimes I’ll say to la, Hey, um, can I just say something? And I just get it out in its real form. And it’s like not well, you know, thought out, not well articulated. Well I can understand because they’ve had a rough time. No, it’s like, I don’t like that I’m pissed off. I think that they’re, you know, they suck and that’s how I feel. And then, but it’s in a safe place, so it’s not gossip. Yeah. I know Laird’s not gonna repeat it, so it’s not gonna keep giving it that energy. Yeah. It’s like when you repeat a story over and over to somebody, like your new friend calls you, can you believe she said it’s like, don’t do that. Find the one person that’s like a vault that

Kimberly: 01:20:08 You can go,

Gabby: 01:20:09 This friend did this and can you believe it? Like in its real form, whatever way you wanna say it and then let it go. Yeah. Because it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth giving it more energy. But I don’t believe in eating everything.

Kimberly: 01:20:25 No, well, you have to digest things the way like we do food, otherwise it can stay stuck. It’s loaded. Yeah.

Gabby: 01:20:32 It’s in there. And most stuff though, then you do that practice long enough. And most of the stuff that happens though, it’s not worth repeating. And I do know how to go like, oh, I know how to get rid of this on my own. But that practice was really helpful. So I will say yes, maybe I have it a little bit, but it was been very helpful to have a partner that taught me how to have, uh, just to be really honest about my feelings.

Kimberly: 01:20:56 Wow. Does he offload to you?

Gabby: 01:20:58 Yeah. I mean, Larry is the most confrontational direct person. <laugh>. I mean, listen, we won’t, no one’s ever accused him of being a politician. Okay. Right. Right. Like, this is a guy who love him or hate him. He is exactly who he is. That’s

Kimberly: 01:21:14 How Maha is too. I love

Gabby: 01:21:15 It. I think it’s an, I I mean, for him, I think it’s being, coming from Kauai and, um, being in the ocean, and I have another theory about Lyric, but I didn’t get this theory except in the last like five years, is because at his core, he’s a very kind and loving person. And so he’s not worried about how it’s gonna come across to you see me, I actually feel much meaner and like kind of more cold inside. And so that’s why I’m always trying to monitor how it comes out, where he doesn’t question that he’s of love fully. And so he can just be like, yeah, don’t do that. And he, he knows where it’s coming from, where me, I’m like, okay, if I say that, that’s, you know, is that too harsh? And you know, and that’s also female. Yes. You know, so it’s, I’m always questioning it. But he, and also of course behind that, if we came right down to it, lad is um, he, he’s a very, I mean, he’s a capable person who whatever level he would need to go to, to deal with something or take care of it, he has that capacity certainly far greater than me. So that’s the other thing is like, he’s of love, but I’m never gonna out masculine layered. Right. So it’s this great both kind of things that he has.

Kimberly: 01:22:40 Well, you talked about this mix, like the, the balance of your energy mm-hmm. <affirmative> the masculine and the feminine. Yeah. So you’re, you’re sharing with him, he’s holding space. He is that Yeah. Passionate. How else does he help your fem? How do you feel that feminine being around his

The masculine and the feminine

Gabby: 01:22:53 I feel desired by him and protected. So I feel like, hey, yeah, go, go Gabby, conquer the world. Knock yourself out. But I, I, I feel highly protected if I needed that from Laird. Um, and, and also he looks at me in a way that I’m like, oh, he, he likes me and he desires me. And we don’t, you know, I also am very, um, I use Laird’s time sparingly. I don’t sit there and go blah, blah, blah, and like, have all this like, fill the time. Right. I, I, I use that time very carefully and there’s times like I think I start to say something. I think, oh, you know what, you can talk to your girlfriends about that. Yeah. So I also, he’s really good too. He’s certainly more present than I am very present when he’s there. So, and if I say, Hey, can I say something? Or I need something, he knows that I don’t just fill the airways.

Kimberly: 01:23:49 Yeah.

Gabby: 01:23:50 I’m fine with not talking and being totally quiet and on my own. Yeah. And so I think that also has been a, that’s the upcycle for us, where he naturally is very present, but I can I sort of accommodate that. I don’t take that for granted.

Kimberly: 01:24:07 Mm-hmm. <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Exactly. Because then it becomes too much.

Gabby: 01:24:10 Yeah. And then you’re like, oh, can you believe? And she was like, oh, and I got this thing and the pants were long enough. It’s amazing. You know, and he’d just be like, oh, okay. Kill me. You know, like, please. So I I I also self-regulate. Right? <laugh>. Right.

Kimberly: 01:24:25 Like, <laugh>

Gabby: 01:24:26 Hilarious. Who’s my audience here? Right. It’s like,

Kimberly: 01:24:31 I’d love to be a fly on the wall watching you guys with your daughters. Just the dynamic, even the little snippets that you share that’s this bond. But there’s this humor and there’s also this lightness

Gabby: 01:24:42 Because you have to listen. Very few things in life are that serious. And so, um, let’s, let’s save it. And, and again, I’m, I’m hoping to move into, into a place in my life where even in my work, where this is an invitation, I’m not gonna say, Hey, listen up everybody. It’s like, Hey, here’s an invitation

Kimberly: 01:25:03 Offering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what next Gabby things are unfolding. You’ve got X P T, you have lad Super Foods, and you mentioned your, um, your daughter’s, you know, a couple years away from Yeah. Graduating. So some things on the horizon, new inspirations,

What’s next for Gabby

Gabby: 01:25:20 <laugh>. Well, I’m, you know, I still am doing, uh, the podcast, which has Oh, yes. Which has me, I’ve been trying to get this idea off the ground probably for 10 years. A different idea about, you know, self care, health and wellness, fitness, whatever we want to call it, you know, being human. Um, it’s actually not a sexy topic. Right. It’s hard, like if we were talking about serial killers or something, people are like Yeah. Um, being like, Hey, let’s talk about how to take care of ourself. It isn’t sexy. And, and the absurdity of how the system set up in place, it isn’t really for us to be successful. It’s just not, you know,

Kimberly: 01:25:57 It’s just buy more stuff.

Gabby: 01:25:58 Yeah. And also like, oh, when people, when talk about the grocery store, it’s like, oh, go on the outside. It’s like, so what, what I, I’m trying to figure out is how do we get the information, continue to get the information out from the best resources at a sort of sixth grade level, but with the, with, you know, the humor and the possibility versus if we don’t do this, you’re gonna get diabetes. It’s true. You know, because what I appreciate about this, and maybe you’ve experienced it with this show, and I was looking at it, you have brain energy. I, I talked to Dr. Palmer is love him. Yeah. Is pretty much everybody saying the same thing no matter which area of the field that they work in. So you could have a someone who’s into meditation or breath work, or you could have somebody who’s a psychotherapist from Harvard Yes.

Gabby:01:26:47 Or, you know, a endocrinologist. It’s, but the root cause of sort of 82% of our issues regarding health or disease. Um, if it shows up as cancer in me, it might show up as, you know, hypertension or diabetes for you, but the root causes are pretty much the same. Yes. So I’m trying to figure out, and, and collectively bringing all the best people I know into how do we sort of gather that information, um, and help the people that can’t disseminate the information, they’re just too busy. They’re trying to just survive. Right. Um, but it at a, at a level that makes sense and make it so clear as to why. Mm. You know, like, like why shouldn’t you have sugar without fiber? We can make that so clear. Mm. And so quick, like, so that when they go to drink something, they have an understanding themselves, but they didn’t have to listen to, you know, a GI specialist from, you know, it’s like just trying to figure that out.

Gabby:01:27:44 So that’s been, there’s a book called, um, strength to Strength, Arthur Seabrooks. And what he talks about in this book is we have sort of two curves in our lives. And the first curve is we’re in our, in our fluid intelligence. So it’s like things happen faster and smooth, and we’re sort of on the, the hustle and the bustle and the expansion, and then we move into another arc in our life of crystallized intelligence. So we become better at synthesizing information and breaking it down and mentoring and helping. Interesting. Yeah. So I’m, I’m just trying to pay attention to if I’m here to contribute, what has my path brought me to? And so what should I do with that? And so I’m just trying to figure that out and, um, and, you know, just do like, kind of do my job.

Kimberly: 01:28:33 Well, I think you’re doing your job very well, Gabby, thank you so much for sharing your energy. Oh, wisdom. You’re, you are so inspiring to me and millions and millions of other people, gen from a genuine place real deep.

Gabby: 01:28:49 Well, I’m

Kimberly: 01:28:50 Energy that you break.

Gabby: 01:28:52 I feel, um, you know, I think from the way I I started my life to, it started probably when I was 18 or 19. I, I felt like I had a shift. Is all I wanna do is be one other person amongst all of the people that at least if you looked, you’d be like, okay, that it seems like they’re trying to do something that feels towards the positive. Um, you know, and just be somebody who is consistent. You know, that’s the thing I always tell my friends, like, I’m not really gonna surprise you. Not really. I’m not gonna take a hard left <laugh>. You know, like, it’s just be somebody who, there’s a steadfastness there. Um, because I think that’s one of the things I can offer. It’s like, you know,

Kimberly: 01:29:44 Well the stead fa the steadfastness I think allows so much light to come through, right? It’s the ego, the chaos that can sometimes block us. So what I feel so much in your energy is steady and then the gifts

Gabby: 01:29:56 Come. But I wanna say also the, a lot of times people look at lured nine and think, oh, they have it easy or it’s figured out. I want, that’s the other thing that I always really wanna make sure is like, we’re fumbling through it just like everybody else. I wake up each day with doubt and, you know, worry and like, am I doing this right? Am I whatever? And it isn’t about that. You never feel those things. It’s like when you ask me if I like training, I don’t, but I’m gonna do it. Yeah. And it’s the same with, um, I’m scared about my kids’ futures like everybody else, and I’m going to keep showing up and keep doing it. So I, I just would like to remind people or finish this by saying, I have nothing figured out. I can offer what I have seen and what works for me and what I have, what keeps showing up in my life. But by no stretch of the imagination is it greener the grass greener at my house than your house <laugh>. It just isn’t.

Kimberly: 01:30:51 Thank you.

Gabby: 01:30:52 Yeah. It just isn’t. And, but that what’s so cool is when we can figure out what’s going on in our world and how do we make that the best way that we can for us, I think that that’s part of success. Yes. I don’t think it’s looking over at somebody and going mm-hmm. <affirmative>, oh, but they do it like this. Maybe we can inspire, share stories and inspire each other. But really the magic is when we get it right in our Yes. On our side. You know, lad always goes, it’s all grass. You gotta cut it. You gotta water it, you gotta take care of it. Why not, you know, do the one yours. And so I guess that feels really important is, is for to just encourage people to take a hold of it, their situation themselves, their relationships, their, and do it their way. Yes. Um, that seems important.

Kimberly: 01:31:43 That’s very important. Cause then it’s, you know, the world of comparison and lack and Yeah. All of that means we’re just robbed of our own reality, our own ability to show up in our present life.

Gabby: 01:31:54 Yeah. It’s just more of that bad message. Yeah. And, um, limited. Yeah. And you know, it’d be like me trying to dress like, you know, all fashion models. Like it doesn’t look cute and it doesn’t fit. So I let that go a long time ago. I just, it’s just the way it is. I love you

Kimberly: 01:32:12 So much, Gabby. I love your realness. I love your heart. Thank you so much. Thank you. Showing up.

Kimberly:02:58 Well, I hope you enjoyed my conversation today with Gabby. As much as I just genuinely loved being with this incredible human, please be sure to check out more about Gabby over on her show notes. Her website is gabriellereese.com. Hope you check out their amazing, layered super food products as well. I honestly love them. They’ve become such a big part of my daily life. I love the mushrooms. I love the MAA Tea Mix. I love the unsweetened Insta Fuel. Please check it out. They are creating something really special and they are such special humans. Gabby is such a force to be reckoned with. As you could hear today on the show notes, we will also have other shows I think you would like Meditations, food recipes, articles, and more over at mysolluna.com. So we’ll be back here Thursday for our next q and a show to then. Please keep the questions coming. I’ll also see you on social and cyberspace. Take great care of yourself. So much love, so much light Namaste.

The post How to Gain Perspective to our Real Beauty and Strength with Gabby Reece [Episode #737] appeared first on Solluna by Kimberly Snyder.